The blog may be coming back

A little good and a lot of bad

Sufficiently nerdy and incredibly outgoing, the perfect combination for a date. Some how she was fully confident in coming over to my apartment alone on a first date, this should have been a red flag but it had led to success before so I didn't think twice about it. She came in a vespa, this should have been a second red flag but yet again I didn't think twice about it. Two flags on one perfectly innocent date, in this situation two wrongs don't make a right.

The date started really great, she come over and we started cooking dinner. Beer soaked chicken with a medley of vegetables that I had bought only an hour before. She chopped the vegtebles while I prepared the rest of the food, she actually didn't know how to cut a lot of the vegtebles and it was kind of sweet showing her how to cut mushrooms and peppers. However, the chicken needed to marinade so we were primed to have plenty of fun in the meantime.

Drunken chicken, or something like this

Because it was still nice we decided to go swimming. This would have been a lot cooler except she was wearing shorts instead of a bathing suite as her bottoms. I don't have anything wrong with this but as a semi attractive girl I thought she would have been a little more expressive with her body. Anyways, not something I worry about, it was pretty fun to spend some of the final remaining days of summer out in the water. The water was actually freezing cold so we alternated between the hot tub and the cold water which fun in some ways and freezing in others. However, one thing remained constant, the people across the street on the 8th floor were watching us. Needless to say, when I noticed I quickly ushered her inside and didn't bother to look back.

Anyways, it was time to cook food which mostly included her sitting around and talking to me while I did a little stir fry gig with the vegtables and chicken. Anyways, the food came out well and we ate kind of quickly, and ended up watching a movie. Honestly, I have no freaking clue what movie we watched. We had quite a few beers and piece and I wasn't sure she would be ready to go home at the end of the night. Ended up not being a problem, so she went home it was a nice date, but the next day I got a text message from her.

She asked me if I wanted to go to a party with her on a Wednesday night. Her and her friends are all slackers and don't have things to do on Thursdays... like work or school. Anyways, I figured I would be fine and decided to join her anyways, honestly what is the worse that could happen? Honestly, you have no idea.

So I should have known the night was going to go wrong when it took me 45 minutes to find the place, and ended up bringing shitty beer. I knew ahead of time they would be drinking shittiy beer so I broughy an 18 pack of natty ice. It was cheap, I was going to get drunk, so I didn't care if my beer tasted like water.

Anyways, we get to the party and I instantly found out that every single one of her friends is incredibly scary. This is the kind of scary where they stare you down and threaten to beat the living shit out of you screw up kind of scary. As a result I decided to start drinking fairly heavily, and quickly organized beer pong to speed up the process. I partnered up with my date, and she sucked royal balls. I had to sink 7 or 8 shots just to keep us in it, but we ultimatley lost. Not a problem, I stayed on and played again and pretty sure I lost again. I had quite a bit of beer that night and the story is a little fuzzy in my head but I'm pretty sure I lost 3 games of beer pong.

This got me incredibly drunk, and that is when the night started to get weird. I went outside and smoked a bowl with her black friend named wonder bread... actually all her friends had crazy nick names, and chants to go along with it. As the only person there not a part of the close knit group of friends it was incredibly awkward. I pretty much sat in a corner and drank a lot. This really got me into trouble as soon as I wasn't blacked out anymore.

We are going to fast forward through a few blank moments and move on with the bulk of the story. One moment I am sitting on a couch in a basement getting a drink from my date and the next time I come to I'm in the back seat of my car. Normally this wouldn't be a problem except that I was naked, and there was another naked girl ontop of me, there was also a girl throwing up a block away without a shirt on. I had no idea what time it was and I had no idea how I got to where I was. Anyways, before the panic set in I pushed her off a little bit to make sure I had a condom on. Wooohoooo I friggin did, then I realized I had two hand fulls of boob and was not really in the mood to keep fucking her.

Just like this, but less attractive, less clothes and far far far less consent

The next thing that happened was I asked her how the hell I got to my car, which was responded with no answer. I probably was just mumbling incoherently but either way I was still in my head trying to figure out what the hell was going on. The next thing I sputtered out of my mouth was, "THERE IS NO WAY I'M GOING TO CUM." Probably not the most graceful moment of my life but I woke up with a girl I was in no mood to have sex with ontop of me, what would you do? However, her response was very nonchalant as she told me, "It's fine I already came 4 times." My response to that was a quick hard shove into my car door, however; she thought that meant it is time for you to get on top. In which I responded, there is no way I'm going to fucking cum. Needless to say I wrapped the condom in a paper towel and threw it in my glove compartment. It is nice to know that even when blacked out I can still manage to slip a condom on. We walked back to the rest of the party with her hanging on my shoulder acting loopy and crazy, she must have been drunk as well.

We get back to the party and I find her sitting on my lapping handing me another god damn beer. Honestly, I already blacked out already what the fuck is this crazy bitch thinking. I honestly don't know, but I'm too drunk to drive home so for now I am trapped at this party with crazy bitch rapist. However, she ended up telling me that if I wasn't having fun she would hook me up with her friends. I will be honest, this chick had hot friends but I had no idea what was going on earlier in the night so I didn't see myself hanging out with her again.

The night goes on and more scary people show up. I am trying to go back and forth with her friends playing off their nick names triyng to fit in, mostly feeling pretty good about myself, in spite of the unsavory events only hours earlier.

The night continued and here comes wonder bread (the black guy who acts like a cracker) sitting down and passing out right next to me. I say, "Hey wonderbread how ya feeling?" HUGE MISTAKE!

The biggest scariest guy in the entire party comes down and kneels next to me and ask me what I just said. I instantly break out into a sweat and started rambling about how I'm from DC and I had a lot of black friends back in high school, a complete lie by the way, and that it is a certain sign of respect to call him that. I have no freaking clue what is going, I was basically being told I'm the only one at the party not allowed to call this guy by his nick name. I just have a big WTF going on in my and the guy who could easily kill me in 5 seconds is kneeling next to me being the most intimidating prick I had ever met. I sit there listen intently and try to get out of the house alive. I played my cards right and I ended up just fine.

The night was finally winding down and I was getting ready to leave, and my date comes stumbling out of some back room drunk off her ass trying to follow me home. Finally, the big scary people come through for me and they make sure she crashes right where she is. I get out of the house and never look back, some nights you need a few months of seperation from before you talk about it again. Of all my dates this is the one I remember the least, and I should probably be thankful for that.

Tried to contact her late for the friend hook up situation but was met with silence, I'm going to say that is probably for the best.