The blog may be coming back

A little good and a lot of bad

Sufficiently nerdy and incredibly outgoing, the perfect combination for a date. Some how she was fully confident in coming over to my apartment alone on a first date, this should have been a red flag but it had led to success before so I didn't think twice about it. She came in a vespa, this should have been a second red flag but yet again I didn't think twice about it. Two flags on one perfectly innocent date, in this situation two wrongs don't make a right.

The date started really great, she come over and we started cooking dinner. Beer soaked chicken with a medley of vegetables that I had bought only an hour before. She chopped the vegtebles while I prepared the rest of the food, she actually didn't know how to cut a lot of the vegtebles and it was kind of sweet showing her how to cut mushrooms and peppers. However, the chicken needed to marinade so we were primed to have plenty of fun in the meantime.

Drunken chicken, or something like this

Because it was still nice we decided to go swimming. This would have been a lot cooler except she was wearing shorts instead of a bathing suite as her bottoms. I don't have anything wrong with this but as a semi attractive girl I thought she would have been a little more expressive with her body. Anyways, not something I worry about, it was pretty fun to spend some of the final remaining days of summer out in the water. The water was actually freezing cold so we alternated between the hot tub and the cold water which fun in some ways and freezing in others. However, one thing remained constant, the people across the street on the 8th floor were watching us. Needless to say, when I noticed I quickly ushered her inside and didn't bother to look back.

Anyways, it was time to cook food which mostly included her sitting around and talking to me while I did a little stir fry gig with the vegtables and chicken. Anyways, the food came out well and we ate kind of quickly, and ended up watching a movie. Honestly, I have no freaking clue what movie we watched. We had quite a few beers and piece and I wasn't sure she would be ready to go home at the end of the night. Ended up not being a problem, so she went home it was a nice date, but the next day I got a text message from her.

She asked me if I wanted to go to a party with her on a Wednesday night. Her and her friends are all slackers and don't have things to do on Thursdays... like work or school. Anyways, I figured I would be fine and decided to join her anyways, honestly what is the worse that could happen? Honestly, you have no idea.

So I should have known the night was going to go wrong when it took me 45 minutes to find the place, and ended up bringing shitty beer. I knew ahead of time they would be drinking shittiy beer so I broughy an 18 pack of natty ice. It was cheap, I was going to get drunk, so I didn't care if my beer tasted like water.

Anyways, we get to the party and I instantly found out that every single one of her friends is incredibly scary. This is the kind of scary where they stare you down and threaten to beat the living shit out of you screw up kind of scary. As a result I decided to start drinking fairly heavily, and quickly organized beer pong to speed up the process. I partnered up with my date, and she sucked royal balls. I had to sink 7 or 8 shots just to keep us in it, but we ultimatley lost. Not a problem, I stayed on and played again and pretty sure I lost again. I had quite a bit of beer that night and the story is a little fuzzy in my head but I'm pretty sure I lost 3 games of beer pong.

This got me incredibly drunk, and that is when the night started to get weird. I went outside and smoked a bowl with her black friend named wonder bread... actually all her friends had crazy nick names, and chants to go along with it. As the only person there not a part of the close knit group of friends it was incredibly awkward. I pretty much sat in a corner and drank a lot. This really got me into trouble as soon as I wasn't blacked out anymore.

We are going to fast forward through a few blank moments and move on with the bulk of the story. One moment I am sitting on a couch in a basement getting a drink from my date and the next time I come to I'm in the back seat of my car. Normally this wouldn't be a problem except that I was naked, and there was another naked girl ontop of me, there was also a girl throwing up a block away without a shirt on. I had no idea what time it was and I had no idea how I got to where I was. Anyways, before the panic set in I pushed her off a little bit to make sure I had a condom on. Wooohoooo I friggin did, then I realized I had two hand fulls of boob and was not really in the mood to keep fucking her.

Just like this, but less attractive, less clothes and far far far less consent

The next thing that happened was I asked her how the hell I got to my car, which was responded with no answer. I probably was just mumbling incoherently but either way I was still in my head trying to figure out what the hell was going on. The next thing I sputtered out of my mouth was, "THERE IS NO WAY I'M GOING TO CUM." Probably not the most graceful moment of my life but I woke up with a girl I was in no mood to have sex with ontop of me, what would you do? However, her response was very nonchalant as she told me, "It's fine I already came 4 times." My response to that was a quick hard shove into my car door, however; she thought that meant it is time for you to get on top. In which I responded, there is no way I'm going to fucking cum. Needless to say I wrapped the condom in a paper towel and threw it in my glove compartment. It is nice to know that even when blacked out I can still manage to slip a condom on. We walked back to the rest of the party with her hanging on my shoulder acting loopy and crazy, she must have been drunk as well.

We get back to the party and I find her sitting on my lapping handing me another god damn beer. Honestly, I already blacked out already what the fuck is this crazy bitch thinking. I honestly don't know, but I'm too drunk to drive home so for now I am trapped at this party with crazy bitch rapist. However, she ended up telling me that if I wasn't having fun she would hook me up with her friends. I will be honest, this chick had hot friends but I had no idea what was going on earlier in the night so I didn't see myself hanging out with her again.

The night goes on and more scary people show up. I am trying to go back and forth with her friends playing off their nick names triyng to fit in, mostly feeling pretty good about myself, in spite of the unsavory events only hours earlier.

The night continued and here comes wonder bread (the black guy who acts like a cracker) sitting down and passing out right next to me. I say, "Hey wonderbread how ya feeling?" HUGE MISTAKE!

The biggest scariest guy in the entire party comes down and kneels next to me and ask me what I just said. I instantly break out into a sweat and started rambling about how I'm from DC and I had a lot of black friends back in high school, a complete lie by the way, and that it is a certain sign of respect to call him that. I have no freaking clue what is going, I was basically being told I'm the only one at the party not allowed to call this guy by his nick name. I just have a big WTF going on in my and the guy who could easily kill me in 5 seconds is kneeling next to me being the most intimidating prick I had ever met. I sit there listen intently and try to get out of the house alive. I played my cards right and I ended up just fine.

The night was finally winding down and I was getting ready to leave, and my date comes stumbling out of some back room drunk off her ass trying to follow me home. Finally, the big scary people come through for me and they make sure she crashes right where she is. I get out of the house and never look back, some nights you need a few months of seperation from before you talk about it again. Of all my dates this is the one I remember the least, and I should probably be thankful for that.

Tried to contact her late for the friend hook up situation but was met with silence, I'm going to say that is probably for the best.

False Alarm

Multiple potential candidates this weekend informed me very suddenly that they were already living with their boyfriends as I tried to arrange some sort of date. Needless to say the awkwardness that ensued was enough to feel like it was worth telling the world. The dating website is letting me down and I might have to resort to the dark world of Personal Adds on craigslist, maybe I should post one of my own.

Playing With Piercings

Hey everyone, sorry for the delay but moving took priority over dating, but tonight I am back with another adventure, so I hope you enjoy.

This particular adventure actually started the night before, with a very interesting conversation online. I had gotten her messenger name from the profile and promptly messaged her. The first thing we started talking about is how we both had just moved; however, she was going from being on her own to being with friends while my situation was a little different. I should have picked up the cues when she was telling me that she gets sad easily and that’s why she wanted to live with friends, but little did I know just how much of an open book she would be. However, after one awkward comment we ended up just having a whole lot in common, which should have been my first clue that the date was going to get weird.

The conversation had gone on for a while and she wanted to start talking about her “kinks”. The first and foremost of these is something called a sanguiphile, which is such an obscure kink that my spell checker doesn’t even recognize it. However, for those not in the know it is someone who is sexually aroused by blood and puncturing, really she had done it all though. Which, of course, she went into detail about during our conversation. She had participated in everything from bondage, to being a collared sex slave, to bukkake, and MMF threesomes. Really, it was quite the repertoire, she had also done something else she wanted to show me that night, which was fun on her webcam. While some of my adventures have been weird and out there this girl only hours after we had met was naked on webcam using a purple rubber toy on herself. Needless to say I was determined to meet her the next night.

Oh yes, we each had one...

While plans were still up in the air for her I managed to convince her to come over and watch a movie with me. She lives in Capital Hill so it was easy to find her new home and go pick her up. When I got there I was pleasantly surprised because she was much more attractive in person then on her webcam or in her pictures online, however she also managed to sneak up on my car and startled me. Great first impression for me was being startled by her rapping on my window. Anyways, she gets in and we drive back, have a fairly normal conversation about our days and other mundane things, little did I know that would be the only thing resembling normal for our conversation for the whole night.

We get back to my apartment, which was a little messy but I knew she understood having just moved herself, and tried to decide on a movie. She was incredibly indecisive and harkened back to being extremely submissive in bed, so I came to the conclusion to watch Gran Torino. Little did I know that the entire movie was about racist towards an Asiatic people, and here I am sitting next to a Chinese girl. Oh well, thank god the movie was really but led to some fairly odd conversations. For instance, I didn’t need to know during the movie that she was adopted and was at odds with her white foster parents, but such information was being offered up all night. The one frustrating thing about the movie was that she continuously made it awkward to try and get an arm around her. Her back was hurting and I was honestly feeling bad about making her sit on my bed in maybe a less then comfortable situation, but I was trying to be as accommodating as possible.

So the movie ends and she is sitting up rubbing her back, so I decide to make a much bolder move and kind of get her to lay down on my bed. The next thing I do is start giving her a back rub, but without any massage oil I’m worried I was just making things worse. She assured me it was still good and that’s when we started talking more again. The first thing I noticed was the large tattoo on her back, it was some sort of rose symbol. She gave me a very length story about its origins, which happen to be in a hard core bondage story that anyone who knows anything about bondage knows. She basically told me she had the equivalent of a bondage swastika on her back, and that other people who know bondage can recognize her because of it. I found that piece of information both horrifying and interesting as the same time. I asked her if she planned on having any other tats and she very nonchalantly comments that she plans on getting her son’s birthday tattooed onto the back of her neck where it can be covered up by her hair.

I was startled but tried not to show it; however, this tid bit of information also led her to tell me about nearly her entire sexual history, at least that I didn’t know before. This included, but was not limited to, being engaged to her previous boyfriend, who ended up knocking her up, moving to Virginia for an army boyfriend, being homeless in Detroit, having lots of nude pictures of her on the internet, and meeting lots of new friends when she was committed to an asylum after trying to commit suicide. Apparently, asylums are bad and make you feel crazier then you already are… or at least that’s what she says. I’ll take her word for her on that one. I did not offer up nearly as much crazy personal information but she was willing to talk for a long time so that was fine by me.

Her one related experience was bad, I did not ask for elaboration.

After a long talk we ended up just laying down in my bed, I had my arms around her and it was really just relaxing. The conversation was less crazy and had died down to talk about the simple things, like video games and D&D, and how she thought Warhammer was cool, you might not believe me but it is true. However, I took this opportunity to reach down her shirt and start on my first piercing, her nipples. It was fun and she liked It rough so it was fun to pull and twist them and have her squirm underneath it. However after playing with her piercings for a while it became clear that having her shirt half on was silly, and we quickly took off most of the clothes we had on. I was in just underwear and she was just in this cute pink g-string that was very fun to snap back onto her. For some reason, I spent a lot more time on foreplay then I was used to and I finally realized that it was because she wasn’t doing anything without me telling her to do it. I eventually moved down to eat her out and realized her clit was pierced to. The nice thing about this piercing is that it is like a light house for where to concentrate your efforts on, and the reward is simple and fun for her.

She had mentioned in a previous conversation that she had learned how to deep throat with her previous boyfriend, so I took the opportunity to ask her to show me. With me sitting down, and with me standing up she wasn’t able to though, I was a little disappointed but a few previous dates had made the same attempt but were not able to so I didn’t think about it. I put her back on the bed and slipped a condom on, and started out in the missionary position. One thing I’ve begun to realize is that my technique in this position is seriously lacking, but it is usually how I start and maybe I rush things a little. However, what the largest problem was for me is that her piercings, ten in total, were everywhere and I kept getting caught up with them, especially worried about getting cut by some of the sharp things hanging off her ear. She realized what was going on and made some comment about how she wouldn’t mind if I got cut on something but she probably realized I wouldn’t like it. I took this opportunity to get her on top, which was a lot more fun. She really enjoyed bouncing up and down and spent a long time just working it, which was easy for me but was ultimately not cutting it for me. Lastly, I turned her over and worked her hard doggy style, which was I think the best for both of us. I could change pace and depth very easily and finally we had finished.

I went to go wash up and she collapsed on the bed, not really looking to move. I came back and we just kind of laid there for a while, she laughed at all the sweaty spots that had formed, and I ended up getting pretty tired, naturally so we had been at it for over an hour and a half when you factored in foreplay. So she asked to take her home and I naturally obliged. I think this is when she told me she had been with men, women, and transvestites and I figured why the hell not it fit in with everything else that had happened. I really hope I get to hit that again, I just don’t know if I could keep up with the kinks.

Update: In the past two weeks she has been fairly unresponsive to my advances so we will see if that happens.

The My Space Angle Game

Well, it happened again, as you should expect I got my space angled.  It wasn't as bad this time but I came to the conclusion.  Anyways, onto the entertainment.

I was coming from the east side to a coffee shop by .  I am not great with directions so finding a coffee shop in Seattle was like searching for a needle in a hay stack.  Also, finding parking was horrible so I ended up in the Baskin Robins of the place next to where I was going.  I walk in the Starbucks and see a lot of people around and only one girl in the place who is alone.  I don't find her particularly attractive but I can tell she is the girl from the picture online.  In a desperate attempt hoping it’s not, I look around confused check my phone and go to Baskin Robins.  I get a smoothie it was delicious, never hung out with the girl though.

Just kidding, I send her a text message and tell her to meet me in Baskin Robins.  I casually wait in line in a position so that I can see the shared corner of the BR and Starbucks.  Sure enough, she came around the corner lumbering, her frame engulfing my vision as I realize that I was myspaced once again.  Actually she wasn’t all that bad, but initial deceit of such caliber is unforgivable, so I decided to make this a one-time deal only.  I get my smoothie and she comes up behind me, tentatively saying my name.  Of course I respond with smoothie and hand and we decide to go for a walk around a part of Greenlake.

 The walk was fairly interesting but ultimately boring from a reader’s perspective.  We talked about life and how we were where we are now and all that other boring get to know you kind of stuff.  Didn’t get it out of the way having not talked to her for more than a few sentences before and couldn’t try to avoid it being in public and all.  However, the weather was gorgeous and I couldn’t help but enjoy myself.  She really is a nice girl, and not terrible looking, I just happened to be past that stage of this blog, unless I am tricked again.  It happens, especially online.

Anyways, half way through the walk I decide it is about time to start making things interesting.  However, because the conversation was going so well I wanted to do it in an unobtrusive way.  Well here is the deal; I spent the rest of the walk only viewing her from the my-space angle she used.  This was 80 degrees to the right of her and facing from above.  This wasn’t very difficult because I am taller and had longer strides, but it was hilarious having her try to stand in a different angle then me.  Basically I got to laugh inside for the duration of the night. 

After the walk we decided to hunt down a scrabble board, which was actually the reason we decided to hang out in the first place.  So we jump in my car and poorly navigate our way to the nearest target.  Finding a scrabble board was easy, but trying to stand in line and keep her in the my space angle proved to be the real challenge.  I opted to actually just keep her partially out of vision for a good portion of moving through Target so it wasn’t a big issue.

Afterwards we went back to her place to throw down in some scrabble.  Nice place and all, kind of made me feel weird since she was living in a multi story town home and I’m moving into a studio.  I put the scrabble board down and she sat down, naturally I take a seat next to her instead of across.  This gave me both a good view of the room we were in and a my space angle of her.  The game went hilariously well… for me.  I ended up doubling her score, and that pretty much concluded the night.  Things were most interesting when leaving the apartment because I stuck to my guns and kept the my space angle going.  She was letting me out the door and I made sure to stand at the myspace angle in the door way, and then again at the my space angle next to my car.  We parted ways and I drove home.  

Wanted to add a picture but it wasn't working right, sorry everyone.

Last of the Big Girls (I hope)

Sorry for the long delay loyal readers, with having to move coming up and needing a break from the constant struggle of finding a girl every week I just needed a break.  Tonight I am back with a vengeance, I have my next 2 dates lined up and I hope you enjoy this post.

The date started unexpectedly early, I was cleaning my room and apartment when I realized I had gotten everything finished way ahead of schedule.  So I send her a text message and she said she was on her way.  However, upon further reflection I realized that I hadn’t actually finished cleaning and with a deadline coming up I was pretty frantic about getting everything together.  Anyways, on to the part you care about.

Unlike previous girls that had come to my apartment she found parking fairly easily and knew the general area, so I went out to meet her.  I realized once again I had been a victim to some my space angles and she was a little bit bigger then I had expected.  However, she wasn’t fat just a little chubby, but I promise that barring some horrible camera trickery (which is bound to happen at least once more) I won’t put myself through another night with a big girl.  That wasn’t what struck me the most though, what it really was, were the combat boots she had on.  I knew that I had made a terrible mistake, but I was in too deep already.  She comes inside and sits on the couch, I get her a beer and grab one for myself and we try and figure out what movie to watch.  I honestly don’t even remember the first movie we watched, but I don’t think it was a scary one.  However, we spent most of the time talking.  I found out she knew the area because of the old persons home that’s a few blocks from my apartment.  The funny part about it, was that the top half was like an elderly community and the bottom was more of a nursing home, which they tried to hide from the elderly people on the top half of the building.  I also found out she was an EMT and that she loved telling horrific stories about her job.  I love my horror movies but the 3 finger amputation you had to perform on someone’s hand is not appropriate pillow talk.  Needless to say she kept me reeling in horror all night at, a lot more so then the movie.  I talked about my job, but I made sure to never be specific about what I did.  This became a great cat and mouse game where she tried to try and get information out of me and I stayed hilariously ambiguous.  Not being allowed to talk about what I’m working on has become such a useful line during these exchanges.  I’m pretty sure she thinks I am an effects animator or some non realistic job like that. 

So we start the second movie, and I finish my third beer, I get her to move closer to me, and do the whole arm around half hug half cuddle thing.  It is actually extremely relaxing, but whenever I moved my arm up under her chest she made a little mmf sound, so it was pretty clear she was a little on the sensitive side in that area.  It was pretty easy to use that to my advantage and I spent the rest of the movie teasing her in that way.  However, something wasn’t quite right, and it took me a little too long to figure it out.

The rest of the second movie went by fairly easily and we started the third and final film, a surprisingly entertaining British movie about zombies taking over a town that wasn’t “Sean of the Dead”.  During the third movie I get under her shirt and in no time flat she is out of her bra and shirt and was doing some fairly good work on her chest.  Without much hesitation I start going for her pants, but had a lot of trouble getting her belt off.  We were both laughing at my inability to undo a belt with one hand, which is actually extremely hard to do, even harder when it isn’t your belt.  So we start kissing and she has got to be the single worse kisser I had ever kissed in my life.  She kept her lips tightly closed together but was sticking her tongue out at me, it didn’t make sense and it wasn’t even a pleasant sensation so I gave up on that for the rest of the night.  Anyways, getting the pants undone took longer than expected and I start working on her with my hand, and she lets out the lowest pitched moan I had ever heard from a girl.  I tried to ignore it and keep going but it just kept getting lower and lower the more I did, it was the most unfeminine noise I could think of.  Fortunately for me she seemed to reach a stopping  point, and I was able to pull out and not have to worry about It again.

Next she tried to undo my belt and went through the same hilarious mishaps that I did, we laughed about it and then she went down on me.  For a complete inability to kiss she was a beast with her mouth on me.  I tried holding out and making it last but she had her lips locked like a vacuum seal down on me, it was the best blowjob I had ever gotten.  She was the first girl I had gotten a bJ from who swallowed and it was something I could pretty easily get used to. 

Use your imagination

Anyways, after I got off we kind of laid back down together, she kept her shirt off, and I did something I really didn’t expect.  Before I could count to three I was out cold, fast asleep and had no rhyme or reason for why.  I’m not sure how she reacted because when I came to, before the movie was even finished, she was talked like she had no idea I was asleep.After waking up I go splash some water in my face and when I come back she is sitting in an awkward position so that I am completely unable to be next to her on the couch.  So I sit there and watch the movie in this awkward situation and when it’s finished I decide it is time to wrap things up.  I apologize for being so tired and she gets the picture.  After getting her shirt and bra back on I walk her to the door, and we kiss good night.  What I didn’t see coming was her completely missing my mouth and kissing the area between my lip and my nose, pretty much what I should have expected considering the rest of the kisses we had during the night.

This is exactly how the last kiss went, except the girl screwd up

Finally Uncomfortable

Up until this point I had never really felt uncomfortable where I went and what I was doing, however this interesting night changed that.  After getting back from my previous date I decided to browse the internet in hopes of getting such a terrible few hours out of my head.  Little did I know what I was getting myself in for.  The conversation we struck up online was just one sexual suggestion through innuendo after another, so naturally I told her we should hang out tonight.  I got her address and headed north near the U-District to meet her.

She wasn’t anything special looks wise, but she was doing a chubby cute thing that worked well for her, and she looked much better without clothes on, which I appreciated.  Getting up there wasn’t a problem but parking was a bitch, and I ended up getting a parking ticket which only further soured the event.  So I’m driving in circles outside her apartment, talking to her on the phone and failing at finding parking, and she comes out with a very cute dog.  I love dogs so I think it’s going to be fun to hang out at her place; however, when I end up getting within ten feet of the little guy he yelps and goes flying under a car.  She explains the dog was abused and won’t go near any guys… great.  I go towards her apartment door and she yanks her dog out from under the car, and to be honest it didn’t look like much fun to be yanked around by her.  Anyways, she is out walking her dog and I’m sitting on a step pretty much in the open looking down a cobweb filled hallway that is filled with dirt and grime.  Part of me speculates that this is a door way to some terrible underworld, and I had only seen the first circle of terrors.  I pop open a beer and start drinking… fast I know that I’m in for an interesting night.

She gets back from walking her dog and says, “why are you sitting out here the door is open,” so I scurry forward and through the door, trying my best to stay as far away from the terrified dog as possible.  I’m beginning to think he knew something that I didn’t.  I start my second beer and we sit down on her couch and talk for a while, mostly about movies and her movie collection.  The only one I hadn’t seen was Juno, which was the highlight of the night; it is not often I see good movies that I hadn’t seen before.  The most important part of watching the movie was her cat, her fat, furry, adorable cat.  He was incredibly friendly and spent a lot of time on my lap, really improved the first part of the evening.  However, during the movie when we were trying to cuddle the cat would start getting in the way.  This was cute at first, and got increasingly annoying at the night went on, however I did enjoy the cats company so it didn’t really become a problem until later.

So the movie ended and I had just finished my third beer, and now it was approaching midnight.  She says she is tired and I should come to bed with her, although it is obvious she really meant let’s go screw for a while.   However, in spite of the obvious intentions we both still laid down in her bed with some semblance of clothing on, which came right off.  Her bed was really comfortable and I would have been happy just going to sleep, but obviously with the clothes off we were going at it pretty quickly.  After grabbing some condoms out from under her bed, thank goodness she had my size, I start on top and for some reason I was just exhausted.  I couldn’t really go nearly as hard and fast as I wanted to, so after like 15 minutes of stroking away we switch to her on top.  She rides me like a pro, and looked great on top of me, but for some reason it just wasn’t getting it done.  She moans and finally rolls off of me, and says to me through panting breaths, that it was great and she got off twice.  I’m surprised to be honest, and she could have been lying, but frankly I’ll just take that stuff at face value.  

So the night really got weird after the sex as finished, partially because I was still hard as a rock and partially because I didn’t really want to be there for the rest of the night but was too tired to go home.  So we start to go to sleep, and after an unknown amount of time I wake up holding her.  However, with the man of steel still standing at attention I try to fondle her and get started again, this was met with absolutely no success, she was clearly exhausted from before.  Naturally, I go back to sleep and try to wait the night out.  I wake up a second time, and somehow we had switched positions on the bed, and I have a killer headache, which was to be expected I had a feeling I was sick.  I get up to use the bathroom  and take some Motrin, and head back to sleep.  When I get back to the bed the cat is laying in my spot, I’m not really sure what to do about this, so I gently pick him up and move him, hoping she doesn’t notice, and go back to sleep for a third time.   I wake up another time during the night, at this point it is getting ridiculous, and I look over and she is picking up the cat, and the bed it sleeps in, and plops it right down on the bed, right next to our heads.  I love cats and all but when I’m in my birthday suite sweating like a pig the last thing I need to do is get covered in cat hair.  I don’t say anything because it is her apartment, but I didn’t really want to sleep with a cat bed.

I can has your soul?  They almost did...

After these few small flashes of terror in the night, and if you were there it was terrifying, I did not know that the worse part of the endevour was still to come.  I’m roused awake by the sound of an alarm, at 7 in the morning.  I kind of am in a daze and noticing that I’m covered in cat hair and all of a sudden she is looming over me and says, “I know you have been waiting for this all night.”  Here I am laying down in her bed half asleep thinking of an escape plan and she is getting ready to mount up again.  The part that made this terrifying is that she was showing me her birth control, and trying to get going without a condom.  I won’t have that and sort of hold her off while trying to reach for a condom, I didn't have the energy to shove her off, gather my clothes, and run like a bat out of hell.  It was a horrifying struggle but fortunately I won out and managed to wrap my tool.  She gets on hard and fast and I’m not sure whether it was a massive desire to get the fuck out or because I had been frustratingly horny all night but I came pretty fast.  

She rolls off and looks disappointed and starts talking about her morning routine and things of that nature.  I don’t really care because I was inches away from getting violated without a condom.  However, she says the magic words, I need to walk my dog, and take the opportunity to get the hell out of there.  I tell her it will be easier to take him for a walk if I’m not around and promptly put on my cat-hair covered clothes and leave.  Grabbing my left over beer I fight rush hour traffic on a Friday morning and get home, where I sleep long and restlessly.

God Damn My Space Angles

So my date on Thursday was really unsuccessful, I honestly didn't have anything in common with the girl.  Anyways, she calls me up and I see her driving around her super mini in circles not knowing where to park so I walk out to the street and guide her into a parking lot.  She gets out of the car and instead of the cute girl I see in the pic there is a very very short girl whose over all shape was more akin to a box then really anything else.  I'm a little disappointed but clearly don't show it, so we start making our way to the Seattle Center where we are going to watch a movie.  

On the walk there we talk about various things like music, and what she was doing with her life.  Finding out that she used to live in Austin Texas, which I thought made for some decent pieces of conversation.  However, ultimately I couldn't stand her taste in music and she seemed very immature, which wasn't entirely to be expected but if I wanted to take a 12 year old out to lunch and a movie I would hope she is a cousin or something, not a date.  So we make our way to the Seattle center and I tell her I don't really know where I'm going which is kind of fun, but she seemed to think that I didn't really have a plan.  To be honest I didn't, so we ended up in the food court which I found out is a surprisingly good food court, a lot of selection with a large variety of prices.  We ended up at a burger place where I got a bbq bacon burger and she had a normal burger.

We are sitting in line at the burger place and she is getting her iphone out and using it all over the place and I decide that I'm really not having any fun, so I make some of my own entertainment.  We talk about a few random things, like the place she visits during the summer which is all she talks about, and I decide to tell her I have an embarrassingly bad short term memory and that I'm sorry if I ask her the same questions over and over again.  I was lucky enough to keep a completely straight face and got through the rest of the conversation.  One of the things I found out in this short period of time is that she doesn't like any sports, doesn't follow any teams, doesn't have a specific taste in music, isn't quite sure what she likes to do in her free time, and wishes she was at the place where she spends her summer.  Naturally, I wasn't going to feel bad about how the rest of the date went.  So I decide to ask her who her favorite musician is and what kind of music they play... for the second time.  

We get our food and sit down and I continue to try and figure out if she does anything with her life, but was having very little success.  I have seen rain puddles with more depth than she was showing; maybe she didn't like me and was only laughing to be polite.  The rest of the date wasn't really about her anyways at this point and I was really only doing things for my own amusement, sorry if that sounds terrible but if you aren't going to try and hold a conversation I'm going to show very little remorse.  I was lucky there was a middle school concert going on to break up our conversation and let me flick the little reset switch on my short term memory, we get up to go as I strike up a riveting conversation about music once again.  Don't get me wrong it wasn't exactly the same but I structured it in such a way that I was letting on that I had forgotten something I was trying to remember.  So I talked a bit about the kind of music I liked and what concerts she had gone to, and then of course had to ask her who her favorite band was again, and we went to the movie.

The movie was the best part of the date and I highly recommend Monsters vs. Aliens 3d IMAX to anyone who can get to an IMAX movie.  Three Dimensional computer generated explosions are entertaining regardless of the format they are being presented in.  The movie also had a surprisingly recognizable cast of voice actors and a wide range of humor from the childish to the conventional adult humor made so that the parents don't go crazy with their kids.  What was really the icing on the cake during the date was the difference in jokes that I laughed at and what she laughed at.  Based on that alone you would have thought I had brought an adolescent niece to the movie.  Really all the adult jokes, even the obvious ones like "W.R. Monger", went right over her head; I don't even think there was a whooshing noise to accompany it.  The movie ended and I was thoroughly entertained, we got up to leave and I made jokes about her personality, and generally coming off like a jerk.  Something which she apparently laughs at and thinks is funny since it was the most natural she acted the entire night, who would have guess.  The moment I was belittling the fact that she listens to crunk rap and bad country music I decided to whip out the question of who her favorite band was again.  She answered politely once more; I didn't miss a beat and didn't crack into laughter, smooth as butter.

Memento is an awesome move, and disturbingly relevant.

The walk back to her car was pretty much the same as the walk out, basically because I made sure the conversation went the same way under the guise of not remember jack shit about her.  It wasn't that hard to do because she didn't really seem to tell me anything, didn't follow world events, hadn't heard of Somalia, needed clarification on swing flew (although don't we all), and barely batted an eyebrow at sub-prime mortgage crisis.  Oh well, I couldn't really help it, she had lived in Texas for 4 years so I shouldn't hold it against her...  I'm just kidding Texas you're an alright guy, especially in Austin or Houston.  So we were finally got back to her car and I decided to go for a 5th time asking what her favorite band was.  I sincerely apologized for not remembering and she took the bait, five questions five real answers and her not thinking that I had terrible short term memory the whole time.  She got in the car and said she had a lot of fun and left on her confused way.  

 

I was thoroughly disappointed in the date, but I figured you guys would enjoy.  It wasn't the only date I went on that day; find out how I cleansed my pallet with a late night visit to the Wallingford area to meet a girl woman who was more than 4 years older than me.

Girl With an Agenda

Sorry for the long post, but it was a long and crazy night.

So Friday night was pretty fun, even though she wasn't that pretty just doing the whole cuddling and make out thing was not all that bad, so having her come back the next day wasn't a terrible idea.  She comes over fairly early in the day, around 4-5 pm and we go back to doing the cuddling thing and watching some random movie.  Neither of us are paying attention to the movie and it doesn't take long before we have our hands under each others clothes and doing some pretty heavy petting.  Unlike the night before she was not sheepish about letting me undress her and it didn't take long for her shirt to come straight off.  Clearly, we both know where this is going so while moving up her body I go for a hand down the front of her jeans.  Not a whole lot of luck in this area, the jeans were a pretty good fit, and I was going to force her belly down to get in there.  So while making out and trying to plays with her boobs I make an effort at undoing her button with the other hand.  The thing was stuck in there tighter then a virgin on prom night, and it wouldn't budge.  Determined I kept at it and eventually, like the aforementioned virgin, it came loose and popped opne.

Getting inside was not quite as pleasant I expected, and I was quickly met with an unkempt forest of pubic hair that covered the entire nether regions.  It was really unsatisfying to move across and made the journey to what lied beneath not what I really expected.  Obviously I don't stay for too long but decide that it is too late to turn back now, so we continue undressing each other.  If the movie "10 Things I Hate About You" has taught me anything, other then Heath Ledger was a bad ass in high school, it taught me that a girl wearing black underwear wants it to be seen.  So i am guessing the black bra and matching thong was there for a reason.  Deciding that the couch was a little on the public side to go any further we move into my room.  She fumbles getting me out of anything and I end up just stripping all the way down on my own.  After a few more awkward moments of making out and me hesitantly reaching for her underwear she takes it clear off, and I take that as a sign that I better go for a rubber.  To be honest, in spite of the extremely long drought in this department I actually felt like my speed with getting the condom on and my accuracy going in was fairly decent, pretty much none of the horrible fumbling about and missing like I was expecting.

We started out missionary with us making terrible efforts to kiss while she layed still and I tried to pound away, but to be honest it wasn't working and was just getting in the way.  So I give up on that and just concentrate on ignoring the fact that most of her body is wider then mine and that laying down on top of her is akin to what it must feel like to be laying ontop of the michilen man combined although with slightly bigger rack and a few less rolls.  A thought which easily quadrupled my stamina in bed.  She was also pretty loud, which was a nice confidence boost, made me feel like I was doing something right instead of being a complete idiot.  Anyways, after somewhere between 15-20 minutes we finally finish up, I roll off of her large sweaty body and go to dispose of the rubber.  At this point it wasn't even dark yet and here I was getting ready to spend the rest of the night with her.  So I get a glass of water for each of us but she hasn't really moved since we got back, she is too tired to.

Quadruple Stamina!

After taking a few sips of water and sliding a pair of boxers on I lay down in bed with her.  Her phone promptly starts going off the hook, something which we were completely ignoring  before, and she tells me her friends are having a bonfire on alki beach in Wester Seattle, sounds like fun but we don't have to be there for a while.  She clearly is already thinking of how to pass the time.  After laying there exhausted for a while she is ready for more, something which I was ready for down there but the rest of my body was still a little sore from working muscles that hadn't been used in... well some time.  Anyways, the problem was nicely averted by her getting a new condom for me, and after I fumbled and put it on, it was getting dark, she quickly and without hesitation got on top.  To be honest it felt great, but the entire thing had to be done with my eyes closed or concentrating on looking at the window which was interestingly turning from light to dark.  My hands spent most of the time on her chest, normally I would be grabbing the hips like this but I was never good at handling inner tubes.  Anyways, what felt like a good long while, long enough for it to go from light to dark, I finally finished and she finally collapsed next to me.  Neither of us really felt like moving for a while but I still had to go dispose of the condom and did so.  

Finally, we decide to go meet up with her friends on the beach, which was really cool because I had never been to West Seattle and who doesn't love a bonfire on the beach.  On the way there we just talk about never having been there and pretty much where we could get something to eat, I was starving!  After parking and walking a little ways we sit down at a really small thai place, about 6 tables, that looked out over the water and towards the Seattle skyline.  It was really amazing how this little place tucked away on the second floor of a rickety building above a loud Mexican resturaunt had such great food, atmosphere and view.  We talked about traveling and the view and spending time on beaches, none of it was incredibly engaging but it passed the time while we ate.  After paying for the check we head down to the beach and find her friends but a decent sized fire.

I noticed two things as soon as we arrived, although I guess one I noticed slightly after the other.  The first of which was that every single one of the girls there that were her friends were a extremely cute, but also wearing glitter, and that all of her friends seemed to be either 18 or 19 I don't think any of them was 21 that is fore sure.  Even though she claimed these friends weren't druggies all they seemed to want to talk about was raves and getting stoned.  I honestly wasn't impressed and spent a bulk of the night trying to get the few other guys to do stupid things with fire, this was mostly succesful.  These things included getting someone to stand in theh smoke, he was already there anyways I just goaded him into standing up, getting someone to light paper on fire and run down to the water to making burning floating paper, and trying to prop up a half burn log with another.  The last one probably doesn't make sense, and thats perfectly okay if you have no idea what I mean.  Anyways, spending time with her friends was mostly fun, and I decided to go very light on the public displays of affection (PDA) because frankly the night would have been if I was there with one of her glitter happy eye shadowed friends.  Anyways, it approached 10:30 (or maybe it was 11) and the fire had died down, so after saying good bye to her friends we went back to my place.

At this point I was pretty freaking tired, and would have been perfectly happy just going to sleep, so we go back to the couch and throw on a movie.  The movie was "Botched" and was a comedy horror, I highly recommend it.  The important part of this movie was that she spent the whole time with her hand in my pants giving me a perpetual hard on, which was all in good fun except that if I had been in a Viagra commercial it would have been time to call my doctor, a little bit of minor discomfurt as well.  This actually goes on for the entire 2 hours of the movie, pretty much from start to finish, with me hoping to fall asleep and her wanting to get it on again.  Naturally, as with all struggles between men and women, she ended up winning.  However, she was ready to give me a blowjob before we did anything else.  When she said, "You're lucky, your only the third guy I've ever done this to," I kind of recoiled, not really wanting to hear anything about her sexual history because frankly the timing for a comment like that is pretty freaking bad if you ask me.  It seems akin to me saying like, "You're the harriest person I've ever been inside of," or some equally retarded comment, but who was I to complain she was about to go down on me.   Her going down on me was a painful problem in disguise, and it became extremely obvious extremely quickly that she hadn't done it too many times.  It didn't help that she could only get it about half way in, but the real problem was her teeth.  At its worse it felt like her teeth were the only thing I could feel and at its best they were just lightly pressed against my skin.  Naturally, I didn't let that go on for too long.

To make this accurate the one on the bottom needed to be a little more then twice as wide.

So, still enfuriatingly hard from her marathong teasing session, I take her into my bedroom with the full intent of pounding her into oblivion in the most convenient way possible.  So I get her on her hands and knees and we do it doggy style for a while.  This was actually the best position all night because I didn't see any rolls, she had a pretty good ass, and I could be content with making whatever facial expression I wanted, which usually involved something very non-chalant because I was pretty tired at this point.  However, she was still being loud so I told her to bury her face in a pillow and not wake the neighbours.  She obliged, but i made her moans a little bit, it was the best thing she had going for her in bed.  So after going at it for who knows how long, I think somewhere between 20 minutes and half an hour, I decide that I have had enough, and to be honest faked an orgasm to show that I was done.  It was ok because by the feel and look of things it seemed as though she had her fair share of what she was after during the night.  As a result I went to throw out the condom and she lay in the bed, and didn't move for a good 20-30 ore minutes. 

At this point I am absolutely beat, and it would have been great to just fall asleep and take her home the next day, but she insisted on being taken home tonight.  So I throw on some pants and a shirt while she scowers my apartment for all of her clothes and we get in the car.  The first thing that I realize is that my legs are insanely tired, so much so that I had to move my seat forwards to push the pedals easily.  The second thing I noticed was that whenever I was driving she kept her hand on the inside of my thigh, kind of frustrating but my pelvic area wasn't going to do much other attach my legs to my torso at this point anyways so it didn't bother me.  Finally, I dropped her off and went home to go to sleep.  Where I ended up sleeping until about 3 in the afternoon, the girl really kept me up a lot.

So it was nice finally geting that kind of action again but to be honest there is no real long term potential.  Other then the lack of physical attraction I had towards her she also seemed kind of immature, and hung around too many druggies.  Anyways, it was still good times over all and hopefully the next girl I get that far with can be a bit skinnier.  Next date is tomorrow at around 1:15ish, going to get lunch and see an imax movie.  I think this one is going to be fun.

Not Quite Scary Movie Night

So the girl from April 23rd and I hung out on Friday night.  She is pretty savy with the bus system so it was nice not actually having to pick her up.  The night started with me walking out to the street to see her because she got lost and was walking in circles.  My mind must have been decieving me because she didn't look nearly as good as she did wednesday, but at least she smelled nice and was really nice still.  So we go into my apartment and we spend the first hour or so looking at movies to watch and she couldn't come to a decision.  She claimed she wanted to watch a scary movie but none of the 18 that I had available to stream on netflix were interesting to her.  I was kind of getting fed up so we ended up putting on "The New Guy" which is not scary at all, and happens to be about high school.  This was oh so much fun because it involved her telling me about her druggy past and me reliving painful memories of having no friends and things of that nature.  Honestly sitting through the first movie was more painful then a Rosie Odenell marathon with a migraine.  Nothing I wanted to talk about and not something I wanted to watch, so naturally I grab a beer, she doesn't want anything to drink which is a little dissapointing.  I just needed to loosen up.

The second movie we watched was a Swedish film called "Let the Right One In" which is a coming of age vampire tail, really something I never expected to find waiting for me on Netflix.  It was actually really good and during the course of the movie she moved from one end of the couch to basically next to me, it was a good transition.  So we move onto the final movie, whose name escapes me, and I get my arm around her and we are cuddling, sorry but it wasn't very interesting.  Except I wasn't very interested in the movie so I pretty much spent the entire time trying to get her to turn her head so we could start making out.  It was really awkward, because I was trying to caress the far side of her face so she would turn but was being as still as a statue.  I don't even really remember the movie while I was in this epic battle with her oblivious reaction to my advances, it wasn't even like she was having a negative reaction just stone cold sitting there.  Anyways, the movie was coming to a close she still wasn't turning her head at all, so it was time to take som drastic measures.  After an hour and a half of ignoring me trying to get her face to turn she reacted pretty damn positivley to me caressing her boob from under her shirt but above her bra.

Now you get the unfortunate description of her body type because I don't really think I posted it before.  She was about 5'3" on the chubby side, didn't really have much of a chin and had small boobs for a girl her size, but they were about a handful.  She had good lips to kiss but to be honest wasn't a very good kisser.  Her belly came out past her boobs and was more then a little bit of fat, but oh well it was still good times.

So I get my hand out of her shirt and we start making out, mainly just her getting further and further on my lap with our lips locked.  Honestly, I have never met someone with such a short tongue though.  I don't think it ever went out past her teeth which was getting a little frustrating because I didn't actually understand for a while how she really wanted to kiss me.  So we continue this for a while and for reasons which I don't remember now she got up and looked out of the view from my apartment (which happens to be the space needle).  So I pull out a mattress that I keep in my living room, don't ask me why I do that because this is the most use it has ever gotten, and tell her to come lay down in it with me.  However, this wasn't the best idea because it made it fairly easy to see that she was wider then I was.  Not that it mattered too much because I kept my hands primarily on her chest, which worked just fine for both of us based on the noises she kept making.   For a long time I am just trying to get her shirt off with her saying, "not yet," to me even though she ended up letting me unhook her bra.  It was a pretty good make out session and using the mattress looking out into the city was a pleasant experience.  However, driving her home at 3 am was a bitch but it wasn't the worse thing that ever happened.  The night was good and she came back Saturday, I'll tell you all about in on Wednesday.

Randomly placed mattress seemed relevant enough, or! is this forshadowing my next post?

Russian Accents and Coffee Hipsters

So thursday I sipped coffee and did homework with a very interesting girl who moved from Russia to Seattle 5 years ago.  She had a really great body, nice hair and an alright smile, not great but not spectacular.  I got a coffee, which I hate doing because I don't know how to order regular coffee at these kinds of small places.  It takes like 6 questions just to get my $1.50 small coffe, and the guy behind the counter gives off this vibe like there is no way in hell I'm hip enough to be in his store.  Also, everyone else who was in the coffee shop looked so phony that they must be mass produced.

So I grab my small coffee and sit down across from the Russian girl and naturally I ask her about school and things like that.  What I found out, is that she graduated from high school at 15 and makes a lot more money then I do now at 19.  She was as cold and blunt as being hit with a sledgehammer made out of ice.  Hwever, it was a pretty interesting conversation because she came off like a good natured bitch, I don't know if that makes sense.  I thought working for 40 hours a week and my one class was hard but she is both a full time student and a full time employee at Microsoft, so naturally I came off like a slacker.  She seemed pretty turned off by almost everything I said, but then she also seemed to actually be talking to me instead of waiting for her turn to speak, which was a welcomed change to the past couple of posts.  Maybe it just shows that I honestly had no idea what I was doing there, and obviously I wasn't getting very much homework done.  What was nice, was after being bitch a little condescending but also laughing at my jokes and stories.  When we left to go on our seperate ways, and her bragging about her car to me and saying mine was crap, she said she had fun.  She told me that I have her number and know her schedule so I should call her some time, who would have guessed.  It was very nice not having a conversation with someone where all you do is beat around the bush waiting to make your point.

Russia is huge, a lot bigger then America I mean A LOT!

Friday night was fun, catch the post later in the week.

Drugs, Hugs, and cruising at 2 AM

At 11 PM, when I am usually getting ready to go to sleep, I drive on up to the u-district to meet a girl who had only started talking to me the night before.  However, my phone is dying and I honestly have no freaking clue where I am, so I get to look like an idiot by calling her four times and wondering where I'm supposed to be.  I finally park, and continue to text/call her a few more times because my phone is dying on me.  Now, with a dead phone and no clue where I am I stand on the street corner like a hooker near a naval base wondering where the next trick will come from, and trust me it is not fun.  After what felt like half an hour, but was really only 5 minutes, a larger girl and a smaller girl who was smoking finally came out to greet me.  We sat there talking about random stuff and living in the u-district while the friend sized me up and decided I was allowed to come in.  So we walk up a few rickety flights of stairs and into a studio apartment that is about the size of my room with a bathroom attached.  With no seating I lie on my back on the floor and begin to hear the friend (the skinny smoker) yammer away about all the different things she has said/done to people while on drugs, and I'm not talking about weed.  I couldn't even get a word in if I tried, her mouth ran like air conditioning in Arizona and her laugh was some terrible mix of Fran's (from the Nanny) and the squeal of a pig.  I'm sure it didn't help that she was completely wasted when we first went into the apartment and had only been drinking more.  The night got interesting when another one of their friends came to hang out with us, he was a hipster guy who I got along with surprisingly well, maybe because he was the only one making an effort to talk to me.  However, my introduction to him was him thinking it makes him cool to "Ironically" like a band, and being completely serious.  I forgave him, but then he said the south was a cool place with a lot of dignity, and that people in other parts of the country who lived in similar areas were pathetic, so I had to put him in his place.  It wasn't so much of a discussion as a one sided slaughter, I hope I changed his point of view.  Anyways, with the drunk druggy beginning to retake over the conversation, and even interrupted me and the friend in our conversation so it was time to move on.  Fortunatley, they were going out for a smoke so it was a good time to follow them out and go home.  The girl I was originally there to meet asked for a ride home so I decided it would be a good time to exchange more then two words with her.

The car ride home was the best part of the night, it is just a shame it happened at 2 in the morning.  We talked about our lives and I had to ask her about all the drugs and her friend.  She claims to be clean but that she was a big (figurativley not literally ass holes) raver chick before but not she doesn't do any of that anymore, except get stoned but who doesn't.  So I drove around in circles for a while enjoying her company and we talked about things but I don't really remember because at this point I was pretty freaking tired.  Finally I dropped her off at the apartment where she lives and she teasingly told me that if I was lucky I would see her again on Friday.  She wanted me, it was kind of nice.  Hmmm, looks like no hugs were to be had, sorry.

Late Night and Last Minute

Hey Everyone, tonight after playing some Settlers of Catan with friends I will be heading out for a late night excursion in the U-District.  Interesting part about tonight is that I had already made plans with her on Friday, so assuming that everything runs smoothly tonight the day after tomorrow could be very interesting for all of us.  She is an insomniac and has three cats, so I'm not really sure if that means anything.  Her online pictures were as inconsistant as a politician during election year so she could be cute as a kitten or the crazy cat lady from the Simpsons.  Either way, if I don't make things awkward I will probably hit her up again on Friday, what do I have to lose?

The First of Many

Hopefully my updates won't be this late after dates in the future but thats what happens when you think up of something a week after the fact.  Anyways, for the sake of the dates I will keep the names fake, though possibly related.

Anyways, onto the date, who we will call her Kelly for the sake of this post.

The Build Up:
I got Kelly's number the morning of the date, and naturally I called it.  We spent the next three hours talking about everything from out looks on life to video games, and she thinks that I have her dream job.  It was really nice and the conversation went really naturally, although sometimes I got a little bit more information then I really needed to, especially about exes and medical history.  It really didn't bother me all that much because for the most part I had a lot of fun talking to her.  So after talking for about three hours she said she had to go to a family friend's birthday, we hung up and I got a haircut and some misc. errands done.  She called me up after she was finished with her friend's party and I went to pick her up, this was about 6 or so.  Living in Seattle made the drive down to Tacoma feel pretty long but in all honesty it isn't that bad.

Initial Impression:
Kelly is about 5'2" and full figured.  Great tits and ass and very full and kissable lips.  Smiled immediatley, very warm and friendly and was for the most part what I would describe as cute.  She is also a pacific islander, and 20 years old.

The Date:

I told her about my friend's 21st birthday and she said she wanted to go, saying she had never been to one that wasn't held by hood rats, which are what her friends all are.  So all my friends are super nice and love meeting new people so I saw no problem with inviting her, neither did anyone else although I know it made her nervous.  The car ride from Tacoma to Redmond was nothing at all like our phone conversation.  I honestly didn't really know what to say to her, and I would ask questions but none of it really led to very long conversations, and she didn't seem to want to ask me a heck of a lot.  She noted my ackward quitness which really didn't make me want to speak up at all.  Her phone was also going off the hook constantly, which was a little distracting at times all night.  

We get to the party and I'm saying hello to all my friends and she is talking to everyone and everthing is going really great.  I play beer pong with my friends through a lot of the night and she doesn't want to play.  So between every game I make a note of checking up on her and making sure she is getting along with everyone.  Believe it or not she thought that was weird, making a note of it in her analytical analysis of me and all my friends.  Honestly, it was extremely weird and only got worse throughout the course of the night.  

So the party is beginning to slow down and a lot of people are leaving.  However, she is taking shots with people still and getting drunker and drunker while I am sobering up to drive us back to my place.  At about 3 AM I am ready to head off but she insists I don't look sober enough to drive, so she decided to spend the next hour talking to some people there about increasingly ackward subjects.  After going into one friend's lack of social skills and anothers failing marriage she decides to let everyone know about not ever wanting to get chemo thereapy again.  If I wasn't sober enough before believe me this next hour sure as hell sobered me up.  Learning that a person would rather die then get chemotherapy (again btw) is really not first date material, but then again I guess neither was the rest of the night.  She was also being fairly flirty with a couple of my friends not realizing how seriously some of them would take it in their drunken state, and because of their social history.  Honestly, I don't hold anythng that happens later against them.

Finally at about 3:45 she is ready to go, she holds onto my arm going out to the car which I thought was kind of nice; really, the full effect of how odd this night would sound when being retold hadn't hit me yet.  She spends most of the car ride back giving me an analytical analysis of everyone at the party, including thinking things like a friend's closet homosexuality, and saying some fairly rude things about some of my less social friends.  I just smile and nod because I don't really know how to respond to things like that, for the most part I am quiet, the oddity of the night slowly creeping into my thoughts.

We get back to my place and I let her use some pajama pants of mine and I strip down to just boxer briefs.  We get into my bed together and to be honest I just want to fall asleep, so I put my arm around her and try to fall asleep.  However, she grabs my hand and puts it under her shirt.  Lets be honest, no self respecting man would not grab a handful of that rack given the chance, and naturally we start making out.   I slide my hand downwards when she informs me that she is on her period...  Obviously my hand stops, and any other thoughts were then forgotten as she goes down on me.  However, she is very drunk and to be honest it is a little on the sloppy side, not that I mind except that her phone starts going crazy.

After it ringing 3-4 times in a row she tells me it might be something important and that she needs to go pick it up.  I'm thinking, are you fucking serious?  She was, and she goes to pick up her phone and it ends up being one of my friends from the party.  So here we are her without a shirt on and me waiting for her to go back down on me and she is talking to my drunk friend from the party, and she refuses to just hang up the phone and come back to bed.  After trying for a few minutes I give up, and she finally hangs up the phone.  Obviously anything that was going to happen is completely out of the question.  She gets dressed, goes out for a smoke and takes her phone with her.  On her way out of my bedroom she asks if the blowjob was good.  I say yeah it was alright, although how good can BJ cut short and interrupted by a phone call really be?  Well she can see right through my lie and gets offended that I didn't faun all over it.  Anyways, I've had enough so she goes out for her smoke and I wait for her to get back so I can fall asleep.

The next day I wake up freezing, realizing that I have pretty much no covers on me and that I'm freezing cold.  So i'm trying to cuddle up with her but she keeps inching away from me and rolling over the covers a little more.  It was very ackward and I eventually went ahead and put on my robe for warmth, slide back into bed and try to get some more shut eye.  Not happening, she has already woken up and is slowly getting up and trying to figure out what to do about her hang over, and the fact she is still a little drunk.  The conversation for the next few hours mostly consisted of me trying to get her to drink water, and her wishing I would stop trying to be so helpful. 

The car ride back was actually a lot similar to the car ride up, except shes hung over and I'm chuckling at the fact that she didn't remember making out with me, but she remembers to talking to my drunk friend on the phone.  I let her off and I get my ass home.  We talked a few more times during the next week but really there isn't a lot of potential there.

There you have it, it was weird crazy, at times fun, and one hell of a story, I hope the rest of this blog can live up to that night.

Overall Rating: Well all my friends really liked her and I'm sure she is a little bit more interesting in bed off her period and able to remember whats going on, but a little too much information for having just met her, and clearly a little bit on the crazy side.  3 Star rating, but a 5 star story for later.  We should still be friends... maybe.