The blog may be coming back

A little good and a lot of bad

Sufficiently nerdy and incredibly outgoing, the perfect combination for a date. Some how she was fully confident in coming over to my apartment alone on a first date, this should have been a red flag but it had led to success before so I didn't think twice about it. She came in a vespa, this should have been a second red flag but yet again I didn't think twice about it. Two flags on one perfectly innocent date, in this situation two wrongs don't make a right.

The date started really great, she come over and we started cooking dinner. Beer soaked chicken with a medley of vegetables that I had bought only an hour before. She chopped the vegtebles while I prepared the rest of the food, she actually didn't know how to cut a lot of the vegtebles and it was kind of sweet showing her how to cut mushrooms and peppers. However, the chicken needed to marinade so we were primed to have plenty of fun in the meantime.

Drunken chicken, or something like this

Because it was still nice we decided to go swimming. This would have been a lot cooler except she was wearing shorts instead of a bathing suite as her bottoms. I don't have anything wrong with this but as a semi attractive girl I thought she would have been a little more expressive with her body. Anyways, not something I worry about, it was pretty fun to spend some of the final remaining days of summer out in the water. The water was actually freezing cold so we alternated between the hot tub and the cold water which fun in some ways and freezing in others. However, one thing remained constant, the people across the street on the 8th floor were watching us. Needless to say, when I noticed I quickly ushered her inside and didn't bother to look back.

Anyways, it was time to cook food which mostly included her sitting around and talking to me while I did a little stir fry gig with the vegtables and chicken. Anyways, the food came out well and we ate kind of quickly, and ended up watching a movie. Honestly, I have no freaking clue what movie we watched. We had quite a few beers and piece and I wasn't sure she would be ready to go home at the end of the night. Ended up not being a problem, so she went home it was a nice date, but the next day I got a text message from her.

She asked me if I wanted to go to a party with her on a Wednesday night. Her and her friends are all slackers and don't have things to do on Thursdays... like work or school. Anyways, I figured I would be fine and decided to join her anyways, honestly what is the worse that could happen? Honestly, you have no idea.

So I should have known the night was going to go wrong when it took me 45 minutes to find the place, and ended up bringing shitty beer. I knew ahead of time they would be drinking shittiy beer so I broughy an 18 pack of natty ice. It was cheap, I was going to get drunk, so I didn't care if my beer tasted like water.

Anyways, we get to the party and I instantly found out that every single one of her friends is incredibly scary. This is the kind of scary where they stare you down and threaten to beat the living shit out of you screw up kind of scary. As a result I decided to start drinking fairly heavily, and quickly organized beer pong to speed up the process. I partnered up with my date, and she sucked royal balls. I had to sink 7 or 8 shots just to keep us in it, but we ultimatley lost. Not a problem, I stayed on and played again and pretty sure I lost again. I had quite a bit of beer that night and the story is a little fuzzy in my head but I'm pretty sure I lost 3 games of beer pong.

This got me incredibly drunk, and that is when the night started to get weird. I went outside and smoked a bowl with her black friend named wonder bread... actually all her friends had crazy nick names, and chants to go along with it. As the only person there not a part of the close knit group of friends it was incredibly awkward. I pretty much sat in a corner and drank a lot. This really got me into trouble as soon as I wasn't blacked out anymore.

We are going to fast forward through a few blank moments and move on with the bulk of the story. One moment I am sitting on a couch in a basement getting a drink from my date and the next time I come to I'm in the back seat of my car. Normally this wouldn't be a problem except that I was naked, and there was another naked girl ontop of me, there was also a girl throwing up a block away without a shirt on. I had no idea what time it was and I had no idea how I got to where I was. Anyways, before the panic set in I pushed her off a little bit to make sure I had a condom on. Wooohoooo I friggin did, then I realized I had two hand fulls of boob and was not really in the mood to keep fucking her.

Just like this, but less attractive, less clothes and far far far less consent

The next thing that happened was I asked her how the hell I got to my car, which was responded with no answer. I probably was just mumbling incoherently but either way I was still in my head trying to figure out what the hell was going on. The next thing I sputtered out of my mouth was, "THERE IS NO WAY I'M GOING TO CUM." Probably not the most graceful moment of my life but I woke up with a girl I was in no mood to have sex with ontop of me, what would you do? However, her response was very nonchalant as she told me, "It's fine I already came 4 times." My response to that was a quick hard shove into my car door, however; she thought that meant it is time for you to get on top. In which I responded, there is no way I'm going to fucking cum. Needless to say I wrapped the condom in a paper towel and threw it in my glove compartment. It is nice to know that even when blacked out I can still manage to slip a condom on. We walked back to the rest of the party with her hanging on my shoulder acting loopy and crazy, she must have been drunk as well.

We get back to the party and I find her sitting on my lapping handing me another god damn beer. Honestly, I already blacked out already what the fuck is this crazy bitch thinking. I honestly don't know, but I'm too drunk to drive home so for now I am trapped at this party with crazy bitch rapist. However, she ended up telling me that if I wasn't having fun she would hook me up with her friends. I will be honest, this chick had hot friends but I had no idea what was going on earlier in the night so I didn't see myself hanging out with her again.

The night goes on and more scary people show up. I am trying to go back and forth with her friends playing off their nick names triyng to fit in, mostly feeling pretty good about myself, in spite of the unsavory events only hours earlier.

The night continued and here comes wonder bread (the black guy who acts like a cracker) sitting down and passing out right next to me. I say, "Hey wonderbread how ya feeling?" HUGE MISTAKE!

The biggest scariest guy in the entire party comes down and kneels next to me and ask me what I just said. I instantly break out into a sweat and started rambling about how I'm from DC and I had a lot of black friends back in high school, a complete lie by the way, and that it is a certain sign of respect to call him that. I have no freaking clue what is going, I was basically being told I'm the only one at the party not allowed to call this guy by his nick name. I just have a big WTF going on in my and the guy who could easily kill me in 5 seconds is kneeling next to me being the most intimidating prick I had ever met. I sit there listen intently and try to get out of the house alive. I played my cards right and I ended up just fine.

The night was finally winding down and I was getting ready to leave, and my date comes stumbling out of some back room drunk off her ass trying to follow me home. Finally, the big scary people come through for me and they make sure she crashes right where she is. I get out of the house and never look back, some nights you need a few months of seperation from before you talk about it again. Of all my dates this is the one I remember the least, and I should probably be thankful for that.

Tried to contact her late for the friend hook up situation but was met with silence, I'm going to say that is probably for the best.

False Alarm

Multiple potential candidates this weekend informed me very suddenly that they were already living with their boyfriends as I tried to arrange some sort of date. Needless to say the awkwardness that ensued was enough to feel like it was worth telling the world. The dating website is letting me down and I might have to resort to the dark world of Personal Adds on craigslist, maybe I should post one of my own.

Playing With Piercings

Hey everyone, sorry for the delay but moving took priority over dating, but tonight I am back with another adventure, so I hope you enjoy.

This particular adventure actually started the night before, with a very interesting conversation online. I had gotten her messenger name from the profile and promptly messaged her. The first thing we started talking about is how we both had just moved; however, she was going from being on her own to being with friends while my situation was a little different. I should have picked up the cues when she was telling me that she gets sad easily and that’s why she wanted to live with friends, but little did I know just how much of an open book she would be. However, after one awkward comment we ended up just having a whole lot in common, which should have been my first clue that the date was going to get weird.

The conversation had gone on for a while and she wanted to start talking about her “kinks”. The first and foremost of these is something called a sanguiphile, which is such an obscure kink that my spell checker doesn’t even recognize it. However, for those not in the know it is someone who is sexually aroused by blood and puncturing, really she had done it all though. Which, of course, she went into detail about during our conversation. She had participated in everything from bondage, to being a collared sex slave, to bukkake, and MMF threesomes. Really, it was quite the repertoire, she had also done something else she wanted to show me that night, which was fun on her webcam. While some of my adventures have been weird and out there this girl only hours after we had met was naked on webcam using a purple rubber toy on herself. Needless to say I was determined to meet her the next night.

Oh yes, we each had one...

While plans were still up in the air for her I managed to convince her to come over and watch a movie with me. She lives in Capital Hill so it was easy to find her new home and go pick her up. When I got there I was pleasantly surprised because she was much more attractive in person then on her webcam or in her pictures online, however she also managed to sneak up on my car and startled me. Great first impression for me was being startled by her rapping on my window. Anyways, she gets in and we drive back, have a fairly normal conversation about our days and other mundane things, little did I know that would be the only thing resembling normal for our conversation for the whole night.

We get back to my apartment, which was a little messy but I knew she understood having just moved herself, and tried to decide on a movie. She was incredibly indecisive and harkened back to being extremely submissive in bed, so I came to the conclusion to watch Gran Torino. Little did I know that the entire movie was about racist towards an Asiatic people, and here I am sitting next to a Chinese girl. Oh well, thank god the movie was really but led to some fairly odd conversations. For instance, I didn’t need to know during the movie that she was adopted and was at odds with her white foster parents, but such information was being offered up all night. The one frustrating thing about the movie was that she continuously made it awkward to try and get an arm around her. Her back was hurting and I was honestly feeling bad about making her sit on my bed in maybe a less then comfortable situation, but I was trying to be as accommodating as possible.

So the movie ends and she is sitting up rubbing her back, so I decide to make a much bolder move and kind of get her to lay down on my bed. The next thing I do is start giving her a back rub, but without any massage oil I’m worried I was just making things worse. She assured me it was still good and that’s when we started talking more again. The first thing I noticed was the large tattoo on her back, it was some sort of rose symbol. She gave me a very length story about its origins, which happen to be in a hard core bondage story that anyone who knows anything about bondage knows. She basically told me she had the equivalent of a bondage swastika on her back, and that other people who know bondage can recognize her because of it. I found that piece of information both horrifying and interesting as the same time. I asked her if she planned on having any other tats and she very nonchalantly comments that she plans on getting her son’s birthday tattooed onto the back of her neck where it can be covered up by her hair.

I was startled but tried not to show it; however, this tid bit of information also led her to tell me about nearly her entire sexual history, at least that I didn’t know before. This included, but was not limited to, being engaged to her previous boyfriend, who ended up knocking her up, moving to Virginia for an army boyfriend, being homeless in Detroit, having lots of nude pictures of her on the internet, and meeting lots of new friends when she was committed to an asylum after trying to commit suicide. Apparently, asylums are bad and make you feel crazier then you already are… or at least that’s what she says. I’ll take her word for her on that one. I did not offer up nearly as much crazy personal information but she was willing to talk for a long time so that was fine by me.

Her one related experience was bad, I did not ask for elaboration.

After a long talk we ended up just laying down in my bed, I had my arms around her and it was really just relaxing. The conversation was less crazy and had died down to talk about the simple things, like video games and D&D, and how she thought Warhammer was cool, you might not believe me but it is true. However, I took this opportunity to reach down her shirt and start on my first piercing, her nipples. It was fun and she liked It rough so it was fun to pull and twist them and have her squirm underneath it. However after playing with her piercings for a while it became clear that having her shirt half on was silly, and we quickly took off most of the clothes we had on. I was in just underwear and she was just in this cute pink g-string that was very fun to snap back onto her. For some reason, I spent a lot more time on foreplay then I was used to and I finally realized that it was because she wasn’t doing anything without me telling her to do it. I eventually moved down to eat her out and realized her clit was pierced to. The nice thing about this piercing is that it is like a light house for where to concentrate your efforts on, and the reward is simple and fun for her.

She had mentioned in a previous conversation that she had learned how to deep throat with her previous boyfriend, so I took the opportunity to ask her to show me. With me sitting down, and with me standing up she wasn’t able to though, I was a little disappointed but a few previous dates had made the same attempt but were not able to so I didn’t think about it. I put her back on the bed and slipped a condom on, and started out in the missionary position. One thing I’ve begun to realize is that my technique in this position is seriously lacking, but it is usually how I start and maybe I rush things a little. However, what the largest problem was for me is that her piercings, ten in total, were everywhere and I kept getting caught up with them, especially worried about getting cut by some of the sharp things hanging off her ear. She realized what was going on and made some comment about how she wouldn’t mind if I got cut on something but she probably realized I wouldn’t like it. I took this opportunity to get her on top, which was a lot more fun. She really enjoyed bouncing up and down and spent a long time just working it, which was easy for me but was ultimately not cutting it for me. Lastly, I turned her over and worked her hard doggy style, which was I think the best for both of us. I could change pace and depth very easily and finally we had finished.

I went to go wash up and she collapsed on the bed, not really looking to move. I came back and we just kind of laid there for a while, she laughed at all the sweaty spots that had formed, and I ended up getting pretty tired, naturally so we had been at it for over an hour and a half when you factored in foreplay. So she asked to take her home and I naturally obliged. I think this is when she told me she had been with men, women, and transvestites and I figured why the hell not it fit in with everything else that had happened. I really hope I get to hit that again, I just don’t know if I could keep up with the kinks.

Update: In the past two weeks she has been fairly unresponsive to my advances so we will see if that happens.